GOFFEEMONSTER
plajus:

can we please make this one of the most used reaction gifs on tumblr, oh my god

plajus:

can we please make this one of the most used reaction gifs on tumblr, oh my god

You know that bit on your ipod manual that says DO NOT MICROWAVE  or DO NOT EXPOSE TO HIGH TEMPS… and you sit there thinking ahhaahahahahahah like I’m gonna do that.

I just found mine in the dryer on high heat after( presumably) going through the washing machine. It still works. Perfectly.

Oops found out why the chair is unacceptable. Uncontrollable post op peeing. She’s all duuude too stoned to remember where the litter is, and you don’t speak cat.

Glad I found that quickly and it’s a leather seat.

Dear Moron

Dear Moron,

It may have escaped your attention that the laptop in the office is not a company laptop, but the personal laptop of your Boss, aka My husband. Further more it may also be wise in pointing out that you do not touch it again because the next time I will hunt you down and break each and every one of you fucking fingers.

Today while using the laptop because my beloved Bessie ( PC) was offline, I was greeted by the incorrect shut down message. After dealing with this and waiting for the boot up, I made myself a coffee while workmen tramped round my home.

I must say thank you in advance of my rant for making sure the MUTE button was engaged, this saved me the embarrassment of someone screeching YEAH BABY FUCK IT HARDER OH OH YEAH GET ANOTHER ON IN THERE, in German. It is a small comfort but a comfort non the less.

Imagine If you will, you knobjockey, my shock as I approach the laptop and see full on hardcore double penetration , German Anal Porn.

I am an open minded chick, I like anal, I like porn , I have a large collection of both, but have the sense to ’ clean up’ afterwards both in the literal and the technical sense.

Acting quickly I disabled firefox and then spent the next two hours cleaning out every last link to porn I could find, thank you for sharing those preferences with me, nothing makes me happier than knowing someone I have shaken hands with , enjoys scat and anal cream pies. I also thank you for teach me those words in both French and German, I have, unfortunately, had to scrub them from my mind.

Let me also remind you that you work in food service, You handle FOOD. I really don’t have to explain the implications or the consequences of jacking off while you are in a food prep area, that includes the office which is located in Dry stores, you filthy little mud humper. The creeping feeling of disgust hasn’t left me and Chef is now cleaning his keys with cotton buds and BLEACH!

The only reason that video was still there is for two reasons, The first being you had no idea how to switch it off after you were done dipping you hand into your pants and diddling that pathetic part of your anatomy because you can’t wait until you get home or two, you heard CHEF approaching and slammed down the laptop lid. I think it must have been the latter because Chef was finished for the day and packed away his computer without opening it again.

We can narrow it down to Wednesday Afternoon, I would love to hear your explanation of how you thought porn was both appropriate or necessary to carrying out you duties in the kitchen. I hope you have another job lined up.

To be clear, porn does not bother myself or my husband, we are open minded consenting adult. The catch here is, We have a ten year old child who uses both computers ( with safe searches and everything else we can think of enabled and he has no idea how to block or remove them)

Had My son opened that laptop and seen that, I would not be waiting until the next time to break your worthless fucking neck, I’d be sitting in a cell right now with your still beating hard clutched in my blood slicked hands.

I’ve know my hubby for 16 years, anal isn’t his bag, and there is no way in hell he would have left something like that where our son could have seen it. I am not a conventional parent but things have a xxx rating for a god damned reason.

You will be found, you will be dragged over the coals and your balls (tits) nailed to the fucking floor.

The last group of staff knew better, we did not need passwords because they respected the fact that that the laptop was private and had important work related items in it, thus they never touched it.

You on the other hand means the office will remain locked at all times, no matter who the fuck you are.

Enjoy your next paycheck, it may be your last, hygiene rules broken as well as the NO PORN AT WORK rules broken. At best you’ll get a written warning, at worst? your three month trial will be up ( three new staff all on trial basis for now)

Christ people like you are the reason others at that place can’t have nice things. I hope that wank was worth your job.

With no love form

The chick who had to clean up after your clumsy fucking ass.

So, Normal day in Scotland then…